Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Its my life. Not Yours!

This is exactly what someone says to you when they know that they do not want to become you when they grow up. That they see you as some sort of failure to some extent. These words still come back to my mind time and again to haunt me on some level. I did everything, and I mean EVERYTHING my parents tell me to do. Now I do almost everything my hubby tells me. I'm a people pleaser. Its taking a toll on my health to some extent because I'm always thinking about how to please others and not my self. Everyone is first and I'm always last. Why you might ask? Its seems it would be easier to please others because at least they tell you to your face what it is you should do to please them. My mil wants me to drop out of school and take care of the household. My hubby wants me to finish school and start working around the time my kids start school at their school. My parents just want me to happy and at peace with myself. What is it that I want with my life? I really do not know. I wish I knew but I still do not. Would I finally be happy if I got my degree or am I more content with just staying home and running the house? I do know that since I started my degree I want to finish. I do not any more obstacles in the path of me finishing but Allah always has other plans and of course he knows best the lessons that I need to learn.

The following are just random thoughts and do not reflect any truth in them whatsoever:

"Lately I been thinking about those nay sayers who are like "quit school" that if you want me to quit school to be a housewife then why on earth did you marry me to your son and not someone back home? If my father told you and your spouse that both MEN and WOMEN work here and hardly see each other, then why put your son through that misery? I really do not know and at this moment am too exhausted to even care. "

Everyone has thier idea of perfection and its like I would be perfect to all if I did just this one thing. I remember one time while in BD during the summer my fil was like "If you love your kids so much, how is it possible for you to leave them and go to school?" and then laughed because he was joking with me. But I never came back with an answer and I still do not know the answer to that question.
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