Saturday, October 30, 2010

Blast from the past: Toddler Development

I wrote this post back in February of this year and forgot to post here it goes..

Ever since I had my first daughter and my mil started living with us (the first time around), both her and my parents would advise me "not to hit the kids". In other words, no spanking BUT they never gave any alternative forms of discipline. I'm not one to spank but I do need other choices. My friend S says she gives her kids time outs and it works better than spanking. I was doubtful but tried it. I have been doing time outs in my house and they work fine with my daughter, though she still has an attitude about it. When I do the time out at my mom's, my daughter is screaming until bloody murder with her grandma sitting next to her and talking. Do you see my dilemma?

I have seem discipline with other parents and their kids. For example, when my cousins use to hit other kids and their mom would say NOTHING, I vowed I would not be "that parent". She would tell the other kids to leave her son alone but would do nothing when he would hit, smack and bite them. He even had a spitting problem. He would spit on OTHER people when he didn't get his way.

My two year old toddler is going through a phase these days. He requests something, say a glass of water. I say, "wait." because I am busy doing something. He refuses and starts screaming. So he goes to the corner (my version of time out). He tells me "I don't like you." I tell him "don't sleep next to me." To which his reply is "I will."

The baby, almost 8 months is starting to scream nowadays when he doesn't get his ways. I put him down for the most part now but he still wants to be held. When he will not give in, I usually do because the men in this house sleep during the day and work at night. Being with the kids 24/7 is no picnic. I would like to be that mom who enjoys being with her kids, they have little to no tantrums or attitudes. The baby also is at the crawling phase so that means no more breaks for me. I cannot put him on the floor and say sit, don't move. He's a very active little guy.


Mrs. Cullen said...

I am so glad you are not one of those parents who always yells at the other kids. We had an aunt and uncle growing up (actually still do) who would blame the other kids (us) and other parents when their kids did wrong. And it would drive us crazy.

I hope and kinda believe that inshallah I will have good parenting skills just because of all the different dos and donts I learned from my parents and my many aunts and uncles, hopefully.

I think time outs are great. We used to get those and we also got spanked... A lot. Man, if child services knew...

Mrs4444 said...

That's frustrating; it's hard when you have to keep them quiet, too. Hitting causes resentment and poor self-esteem (I know from personal experience.)

My advice would be to "catch them being good" whenever you can and comment on what a polite/patient/kind child they are; positive reinforcement always works great. I remember when I would ask kids to clean up toys, and only one would lift a finger until I complimented him/her on it. Suddenly, the rest would rush over to help because they wanted the praise.

My son still remembers the day that he yelled, "I hate you" to me and I replied with, "Yeah, well I don't like you very much right now, either." It shocked him to the core, because he thought I would wilt. He never said it again!haha

Good luck :)

MarjnHomer said...

spanking never worked for me though others believe it does. it only instills fear into thse little hearts. i want my kids to be brave and not afraid in this world..

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