Did you ever experience headaches to the point that they followed you to bed? I try to dump everything out of my head into the blog or journals before sleeping. If that does not work I try to talk it out with my friends or sisters or anyone willing to listen. Last night I had an epiphany so great that my sleeping head-throbbing-dream-stealing-headache went away. I talk to my self in my head. Like have conversations. This one was about how the things beyond my control. I cannot control how people behave towards me. I cannot control how many kids Allah will give me. There are many people in my family who believe that I can. Birth control only works so much.
So back to my epiphany. I was saying to myself that even though I had 3 kids in 4 years, Allah knew best my limit. He gave me what I could handle. Even after learning that after a C-section you should wait a full 2 years before getting pregnant. I did not. I had 2 more kids without break.
When I mentally accepted that "Allah knows best", my headache simply disappeared and I had the best sleep ever. This headache when going to sleep started on September 28, 2009 when a close childhood friend died at the hands of her husband. I have been constantly thinking about my own mortality. That I could breathe my last any moment. Would I be ready to meet Allah? Have I repented all that I could? Have I made up the fasts and prayers that I missed (due to travel and menses).
As a human being we are made with flaws and it is up to us to accept these flaws. No one is perfect. Allah is the only perfect one. So to try be in all that we do is just impossible. When we realize and ponder over that our lives will become much easier and it will be much easier to breathe. To seek perfection is impossible. Even when searching for "the perfect mate". He/she does not exist. You have to mold each other into the person you want to be.
So have you had any epiphanies lately?