Thursday, February 12, 2009
My guy and me have a contest going for the past 5 years to see who can make who miserable the most. I think its a tie so far. I really do not know and sometimes who do not even care. That's bad, the not caring part. Like today I asked him "what's wrong? why are you mad?" and my daughter was like "abbu, what happened?" His reply at first was like I'll tell you why I'm upset in June or July. I was like why that long. Then he was like that I would've been happier if I married someone over in the United States and not someone back home. To that I had no response. Like what am I suppose to say. There is more to this story than I am stating right now and I will just leave it at that. There's more I've been thinking about since he said it and I still have not responded with anything. I sometimes wish I still had my cell phone because I would've sent at least 6 messages by now trying to explain myself. But instead I have to be old fashion and write it all down on paper. This is a great way to say everything I need to without any interruption and I can explain myself. Sometimes I just want to give up and be like you win. I am a sore loser when it comes to admitting fault and saying those dreaded two words: "I'm sorry." That's bad because my daughter, age 3, even has a more difficult time saying those words too. When you state that you're sorry, you admit fault and seem more vulnerable and weak. I do not know what to think any more these days. My mind is one big fuzz ball that someone needs to clean out. The spiders are hatching eggs and making mini spiders who are making webs and no one is shooing them away. Before you know I will become one big mess. This pregnancy is really getting to me mentally or maybe its all the hormones but whatever it is I pray that this funk goes away.
I am a big believer of the Hadith that states "Jannath lies under your husbands feet." So any time he is upset with me I want to fix it right away and make him stop being upset with me. Until he's not happy with me, I'm beyond miserable. He's been feeling like this since our anniversary almost a week ago and I had no clue. I do not know how I missed the signs. He's been very snappy and it seems with good reason.
To end this post on a happier note, I'm 20 weeks now (half way there) and the baby is the size of a banana now. That's just too hilarious to me but I can not reveal why.