Imagine this:
You're a chocoholic (addicted to chocolate) and you enter Godiva. You see all the selections around you: chocolate with nuts, dark chocolate, chocolate truffles, white chocolate, mint chocolate, milk chocolate and the list goes on so long that you feel like you are about to explode with excitement. Then you read a sign that says: "Get your choice of ONE for free."
The question now is: how do you decide? Your a chocoholic, remember? They are all your favorites.
This is the kind of dilemma parents have when it comes to finding a suitable spouse for their sons/daughters. Sometimes the option is overload, the question is how do you narrow it down? But Allah the Almighty has solved our problems by stating it clear in a hadith.
This quote was found on the Jannah website. "Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed."
Because when we choose a spouse it should be based on the person who knows his deen very well. The one who is morally always conscious of his actions and deeds. It is getting rarer to find such people in a corrupted society but there are still true people out there. With prayers and patience, Allah will guide us to our "soulmate".
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
I Want a Wife...
and by that I mean a woman who will do things that I cannot do around the house.
She will cook, clean, wash a baby's behind after he/she poops.
She will organize and pay the bills the times I forget.
She will listen and ask questions when needed.
She will put the kids to bed while I put my feet up to watch a movie.
She will deal with the crying and screaming and tears.
She will give great massages for when I'm stressed and frazzled by life.
She will do the laundry and put it away right away. It will not pile up weeks after it was done.
P.S. This is not to say that my husband does not do anything for me. Wives and husbands are different from each other and what they provide for each other.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Divorce
I got this story from A Muslim Wife
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce." I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I avoided her question. This made her angry.She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!" That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.
I didn't love her anymore.
I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.
Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce," she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; "Don't tell our son about the divorce." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.
She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore."
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said.
I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I don't want the divorce.
"My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.
I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.'
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce." I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I avoided her question. This made her angry.She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!" That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.
I didn't love her anymore.
I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.
Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce," she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; "Don't tell our son about the divorce." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.
She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore."
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said.
I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I don't want the divorce.
"My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.
I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.'
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Bankrupt!
That's how I was feeling for the past few weeks. My soul and body has been giving and giving to everyone and nothing was being deposited for me. I was literally beyond bankrupt. Finally I went out yesterday without the kids,anyone of them to the mall with my youngest sister. It was a blast to sit, eat peacefully and buy a couple of things. I was paying attention to moms or dads who had kids in tow and thinking I would have been doing the same thing if my lil ones came along. My hubby, the best on in the world (Mashallah) gave me 2 hours of free time. I enjoyed it and felt refreshed! He even seen a better mood in me.
Islam has it limits and gave everyone its limits. Allah knows this also. I love Islam for its simplicity and answers it has to literally everything in the world. If a person thinks they have reached their limit they only have to remember: On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear – [Quran 2:286]
Or those that want to fast all day, not marry or pray all day, these are the words: Allah's Apostle says, "By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Islam has it limits and gave everyone its limits. Allah knows this also. I love Islam for its simplicity and answers it has to literally everything in the world. If a person thinks they have reached their limit they only have to remember: On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear – [Quran 2:286]
Or those that want to fast all day, not marry or pray all day, these are the words: Allah's Apostle says, "By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Advice concerning the husband
I was once reading a book and a father was giving his daughter advice on her wedding night on what to expect in the marriage and these are his words:
‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Saturday
Saturday. the guys all went to train with Raz at the trucking place. Like 10 til maybe 330, 4 pm. It was annoying because I have not had any time with him. When I mentioned it last week that we spend no time together, he called me clingy like my sis in law. My mom and them are getting new windows and the workers were late both days like 2-3 hours. So on Saturday, everyone came over, even my daddio, who I rarely see but talk to as much as I can. Ever since my grandpa passed over a year ago, its like I want more time with my parents. More time to learn the stories of who they are and where they came from, their struggles and hardships. Basically their life histories.
My youngest sister asked hubby, "why does he ignore me and not sleep near me anymore?" His answer is that when he comes home, I'm in a deep sleep and he does not want to bother me or give me a hard time.
So back to me and my hubby. The Victoria Secret Semi Annual sale was this past weekend, and of course I have no ride to get to the mall. When you are basically due in a month's time, you need someone with you always in case your water breaks. So my chauffeur is my hubby. Sisters were busy with their own thing. He was like we will go after my mom and them leave. The house was cleared by Magrib (evening prayer) and then off they go. They guys go to the masjid to pray the evening prayer and do not get home til like 10. So no mall today.
I was mad over that promise being broken and I been very understanding this past month of them needing to finish this truck training. But when I'm ignored, I feel it and get depressed. I get so depressed my mind starts racing at all the possibilities out there.
So my guy comes home with his brothers and my brother. I go lay down on my bed and cry. thinking to my self the song, "I'm so lonely" that Carleton from Fresh Prince would sing to himself. I was tired of being ignored. Had a headache and tired of being stuck at home all week long. You need a change of scenery every now and then. you know? he comes over and ask whats wrong? Nothing is my response. I say, "don't you have to be with the guys enjoying the free time?" Nope, I'd rather be with you. "yeah right." then billy comes crying into the bed and squeezes in between us and says "no room" he's not fitting in.
My daughter stayed that night. She came with my mom and her dad wanted to see her. She was out the house the entire week. I told him I do not want to hear any screaming. So he takes her in the back while everyone leaves. She asked, "where's grandma?" I said, "grandma went home. If you want to cry you can." I do not like it when people lie to little kids to pacify them. Its easier to just pull the band-aid off and let them deal with the pain. That's only if I'm around. After five or so minutes, they are finished crying and better. Otherwise if I say, "oh, she's in the bathroom." and she's really not, they will start learning to lie and will wait for her to come out the bathroom. One sharp pull and the band-aid is off. the pain will wear away soon enough.
Later that night, me and hubby put each of them to bed. Then I sneak in next to him but my daughter's coughing had me run back into the room next to her.
My youngest sister asked hubby, "why does he ignore me and not sleep near me anymore?" His answer is that when he comes home, I'm in a deep sleep and he does not want to bother me or give me a hard time.
So back to me and my hubby. The Victoria Secret Semi Annual sale was this past weekend, and of course I have no ride to get to the mall. When you are basically due in a month's time, you need someone with you always in case your water breaks. So my chauffeur is my hubby. Sisters were busy with their own thing. He was like we will go after my mom and them leave. The house was cleared by Magrib (evening prayer) and then off they go. They guys go to the masjid to pray the evening prayer and do not get home til like 10. So no mall today.
I was mad over that promise being broken and I been very understanding this past month of them needing to finish this truck training. But when I'm ignored, I feel it and get depressed. I get so depressed my mind starts racing at all the possibilities out there.
So my guy comes home with his brothers and my brother. I go lay down on my bed and cry. thinking to my self the song, "I'm so lonely" that Carleton from Fresh Prince would sing to himself. I was tired of being ignored. Had a headache and tired of being stuck at home all week long. You need a change of scenery every now and then. you know? he comes over and ask whats wrong? Nothing is my response. I say, "don't you have to be with the guys enjoying the free time?" Nope, I'd rather be with you. "yeah right." then billy comes crying into the bed and squeezes in between us and says "no room" he's not fitting in.
My daughter stayed that night. She came with my mom and her dad wanted to see her. She was out the house the entire week. I told him I do not want to hear any screaming. So he takes her in the back while everyone leaves. She asked, "where's grandma?" I said, "grandma went home. If you want to cry you can." I do not like it when people lie to little kids to pacify them. Its easier to just pull the band-aid off and let them deal with the pain. That's only if I'm around. After five or so minutes, they are finished crying and better. Otherwise if I say, "oh, she's in the bathroom." and she's really not, they will start learning to lie and will wait for her to come out the bathroom. One sharp pull and the band-aid is off. the pain will wear away soon enough.
Later that night, me and hubby put each of them to bed. Then I sneak in next to him but my daughter's coughing had me run back into the room next to her.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Happy!
Today I am happy that....
*I know what kind of house I WANT to buy and live in
*I had a few hours of peace
*I have two happy and healthy, wonderful kids that make me laugh
*I have an understanding hubby who is sweeter than honey
*I know what kind of house I WANT to buy and live in
*I had a few hours of peace
*I have two happy and healthy, wonderful kids that make me laugh
*I have an understanding hubby who is sweeter than honey
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Life's little treasures
The other day, maybe a couple days ago, I was super exhausted, just because I'm pregnant. So my hubby and I were discussing about whether to buy a house before or after the baby is born. We looked at a condo in B-town but it didn't have a basement. With four opinionated people, we can never agree on the house. I was like, "Please, don't give me any more pressure or things to think about." He was like, "yeah, I know this pregnancy has been extra harder for you." My guy understands me. I want them to save up for a big down payment, that way we can afford the house we want even if the loan does not go through.
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My hubby eats chocolate every now and then. He's not a chocoholic like me and my siblings. So I made dark chocolate cake with mint and oreos (it was good!!) and asked if he wanted a bite. His response was, "What the eyes feast, the mouth eats." So his flat answer was no.
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Today, my lil sister asked my guy who do you love the most in this house?
His reply was "my wife, then my kids, then my brothers." But if his parents were in the equation, they would be first.
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I had an ultrasound appointment today. It was real quick and I seen the most amazing being ever. I love my kids (though they drive me crazy). The baby was hiding his face. He had his fist in front of his face so the US tech could not get a good pic. The best thing was when I realized why he was covering his face. He was sucking his thumb/finger. Awwwwwwwwww! He just better not continue after birth.
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My hubby eats chocolate every now and then. He's not a chocoholic like me and my siblings. So I made dark chocolate cake with mint and oreos (it was good!!) and asked if he wanted a bite. His response was, "What the eyes feast, the mouth eats." So his flat answer was no.
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Today, my lil sister asked my guy who do you love the most in this house?
His reply was "my wife, then my kids, then my brothers." But if his parents were in the equation, they would be first.
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I had an ultrasound appointment today. It was real quick and I seen the most amazing being ever. I love my kids (though they drive me crazy). The baby was hiding his face. He had his fist in front of his face so the US tech could not get a good pic. The best thing was when I realized why he was covering his face. He was sucking his thumb/finger. Awwwwwwwwww! He just better not continue after birth.
Friday, March 27, 2009
House for Sale! (Yeah right!)
This week went to fast but then again not fast enough. I feel like the days are just passing me by and I have done nothing to show for them. My kids swallow all my time and energy. My husband has lately been searching for a new house and its driving me crazy. When he finds a house he falls in love with, he has me call the realtor. The conversation is usually something like this:
Me: Hello, I would like more info on the property located at 1235 Fantasy Lane Drive.
Realtor: Well that house is pending.
The other scenario is:
Me: Hi, I would like more info on the property located at 1234 Looneyville Lane.
Realtor: That house has been sold.
Note: We just seen the house online and it was posted a DAY ago and its already sold.
I rather just rent but he wants to buy. I showed him a FREAKING GORGEOUS house in one city with the price tag of under 200 grand. It was like I said FREAKING GORGEOUS!
I am not a person who is superficial and like to be more reality based. I know what we can afford and how my guy is under a lot of stress if he has just credit card bills. Now he wants to buy a house with most of it being under a mortgage. If you fall behind on those payments, then the house is foreclosed. I'm so lost and am praying that Allah shows us a way out.
Me: Hello, I would like more info on the property located at 1235 Fantasy Lane Drive.
Realtor: Well that house is pending.
The other scenario is:
Me: Hi, I would like more info on the property located at 1234 Looneyville Lane.
Realtor: That house has been sold.
Note: We just seen the house online and it was posted a DAY ago and its already sold.
I rather just rent but he wants to buy. I showed him a FREAKING GORGEOUS house in one city with the price tag of under 200 grand. It was like I said FREAKING GORGEOUS!
I am not a person who is superficial and like to be more reality based. I know what we can afford and how my guy is under a lot of stress if he has just credit card bills. Now he wants to buy a house with most of it being under a mortgage. If you fall behind on those payments, then the house is foreclosed. I'm so lost and am praying that Allah shows us a way out.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Be a Leader, not a Follower
Today I had a doctor's appointment. They wanted to do an ultrasound but there was limited time so I scheduled it for the next appointment, which falls on April Fools. Happy St. Paddy's day to everyone, though I do not celebrate it. I only this is another holiday to get drunk until you past out and little green leprechauns, that's about it.
So back to my appointment. My hubby parked on top of the roof of the parking structure. It was filled to the brim that we were even lucky to find the parking space. Anyways as we were leaving there was another car in front of us. We both thought since he's exiting like we are, let's just follow him. Turns out the old man behind the driver's seat had no clue which way he was going. He was actually exiting the same way people are entering the structure and we were right behind him. "Honey, I think we are going the wrong way." I say this before a million others are telling us. "You're going the wrong way (adding stupid, under their breath)." You only can say "yeah, yeah we know." So we turn right back around and exit the right way.
Moral of the story: Be a leader and don't follow the pack because you don't know if they know where they are going.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Revenge
Revenge is anything but sweet and whoever came up with it being sweet is probably crazy or something. This image is showing that revenge is anything but sweet. It can get messy.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The One
Before a person gets married, how do they know that the person they married is the ONE? You know "the ONE" I'm referring to. The person they had dreams about who would make them smile no matter what. No one is perfect. No one, no human being will ever be perfect. We need to stop seeking out perfection in others and start accepting them for their faults, flaws and even pimples, scars and lice and all. To be accepted in such a way and not wanting that person to change is such a breath of fresh air. To want someone to be their full best every time without any pressure. To want someone to just talk to without worrying about their feedback or criticism.
Hey it could happen (or maybe it did and there is dense fog that needs to be cleared away)!
Hey it could happen (or maybe it did and there is dense fog that needs to be cleared away)!
Upsy Daisy
My guy and me have a contest going for the past 5 years to see who can make who miserable the most. I think its a tie so far. I really do not know and sometimes who do not even care. That's bad, the not caring part. Like today I asked him "what's wrong? why are you mad?" and my daughter was like "abbu, what happened?" His reply at first was like I'll tell you why I'm upset in June or July. I was like why that long. Then he was like that I would've been happier if I married someone over in the United States and not someone back home. To that I had no response. Like what am I suppose to say. There is more to this story than I am stating right now and I will just leave it at that. There's more I've been thinking about since he said it and I still have not responded with anything. I sometimes wish I still had my cell phone because I would've sent at least 6 messages by now trying to explain myself. But instead I have to be old fashion and write it all down on paper. This is a great way to say everything I need to without any interruption and I can explain myself. Sometimes I just want to give up and be like you win. I am a sore loser when it comes to admitting fault and saying those dreaded two words: "I'm sorry." That's bad because my daughter, age 3, even has a more difficult time saying those words too. When you state that you're sorry, you admit fault and seem more vulnerable and weak. I do not know what to think any more these days. My mind is one big fuzz ball that someone needs to clean out. The spiders are hatching eggs and making mini spiders who are making webs and no one is shooing them away. Before you know I will become one big mess. This pregnancy is really getting to me mentally or maybe its all the hormones but whatever it is I pray that this funk goes away.
I am a big believer of the Hadith that states "Jannath lies under your husbands feet." So any time he is upset with me I want to fix it right away and make him stop being upset with me. Until he's not happy with me, I'm beyond miserable. He's been feeling like this since our anniversary almost a week ago and I had no clue. I do not know how I missed the signs. He's been very snappy and it seems with good reason.
To end this post on a happier note, I'm 20 weeks now (half way there) and the baby is the size of a banana now. That's just too hilarious to me but I can not reveal why.
Jazakallah Khair
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Money & moods
GM announced yesterday that it is laying off another 10,000 workers worldwide with 3400 being in the U.S. It seems lately that all people receive is bad news. What ever happened to receiving good news? Does it not exists anymore? When you turn on the TV all you hear is how companies are laying off more workers or how the stimulus bill is stalled.
Well I'm tired of it! I really am. I applaud Obama for his endless efforts to get us out of this mess that took 30 years to make. I do not think that the multiple wars we are fighting helps with the financial matter either (but that's a whole new blog entry).
Now to digress for a minute. I once read somewhere that a person knows that they are one body and one soul with their spouse when their spouses moods affects their moods. If my hubby is stressed then seeing his stress I will also get stressed. If he's happy then I'm happy. If he's sad I'm sad. But him seeing my moods these days, I think do not affect him. He sees them so often that he is probably fazed by them and is like "whatever". (I'm not sure, I'm just assuming). The reason for my moods these days is because I'm expecting and boy do those hormones work overtime. I'm beyond paranoid about this pregnancy and keep getting this feeling that something is not right but the doctors assure everything looks good.
When you watch too much TV (Oprah) you start to over worry about everything. Yesterday they showed an episode where a woman had a tumor inside of her for 20 years and the doctors told her to lose weight. She was sick one day with what she thought was the flu but turned out her appendix burst and near it they found a 140 pound tumor. She is lucky to be alive and to have a tumor that big that did not turn cancerous is an act of Allah (God). How bizarre!
Well I'm tired of it! I really am. I applaud Obama for his endless efforts to get us out of this mess that took 30 years to make. I do not think that the multiple wars we are fighting helps with the financial matter either (but that's a whole new blog entry).
Now to digress for a minute. I once read somewhere that a person knows that they are one body and one soul with their spouse when their spouses moods affects their moods. If my hubby is stressed then seeing his stress I will also get stressed. If he's happy then I'm happy. If he's sad I'm sad. But him seeing my moods these days, I think do not affect him. He sees them so often that he is probably fazed by them and is like "whatever". (I'm not sure, I'm just assuming). The reason for my moods these days is because I'm expecting and boy do those hormones work overtime. I'm beyond paranoid about this pregnancy and keep getting this feeling that something is not right but the doctors assure everything looks good.
When you watch too much TV (Oprah) you start to over worry about everything. Yesterday they showed an episode where a woman had a tumor inside of her for 20 years and the doctors told her to lose weight. She was sick one day with what she thought was the flu but turned out her appendix burst and near it they found a 140 pound tumor. She is lucky to be alive and to have a tumor that big that did not turn cancerous is an act of Allah (God). How bizarre!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Easier to forgive than forget.
I have a hate in my heart. It is killing me from inside. I never had this hate before when I was in high school. I could love anyone and everyone and overlook their faults to such a degree that I feel I could forgive someone as horrible is Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein or even Hitler. I was not the type of hippie loving person who loved everyone. In the back of my mind I knew people had thier faults but I usually overlooked them because everyone has faults and you should forgive them thier faults.
Nowadays if someone makes a mistake, I remember the mistake and replay it in my mind until I end up hating the person. Its a lot easier to say forgive and forget. I wish sometimes I could just forget all the stupid things people have done to me so that I can get on with my life.
Nowadays if someone makes a mistake, I remember the mistake and replay it in my mind until I end up hating the person. Its a lot easier to say forgive and forget. I wish sometimes I could just forget all the stupid things people have done to me so that I can get on with my life.
Monday, January 26, 2009
I'm angry that...
So today while watching Oprah, I got a great idea for a post. She had overweight teens and their parents on to discuss how they feel about the teens' overweight issue. (I feel like my ability to write anything English is slowly fading from me, so in advance I apologize if this makes no sense.) Back to the topic. So there was one exercise/activity this therapist couple had the teens do. She modeled it with the first teen and herself. She stood in front of the teen and said to yell the phrase "I'm angry that...." and they had to finish it. It got so emotional that I even started to cry (and lately it doesn't take much to make me cry). I blame the hormones for my moods.
So this is my post on "I'm so angry that....."
I'm so angry that my sisters are able to finish school while I am at home with the same routine day in and day out.
I'm so angry that I always have to ask for permission to do things from my hubby while other wives I know have cars and cell phones.
I'm so angry that I am dependent on my hubs to get stuff for me and take me places.
I'm so angry that my hubby and daddy work so hard for their money and it just goes with the wind or to greedy, ungrateful people.
I'm so angry that I see history repeating it self through my life all that I have witnessed in my dad's.
I'm so angry that I get angry at my kids easily, where patience was my virtue when my mil was here. She even bragged about it when she was here and when she went back home.
I'm so angry that my kids wake up crying and this was not always the case. Someone jinxed them.
I'm so angry that I have all this anger inside of me and I don't know how to direct it or make it go away.
I'm so angry sometimes that I just start crying for no reason at all (as my hubby says).
I'm so angry I'm pregnant again when I can't even handle the kids I have.
I'm so angry at all people who criticize me in a mean or negative way. There are nice ways to give constructive criticism and not be mean.
I'm so angry that I don't know what to do with my life. I have no idea what to do with myself and if I want to finish school or just be an at home mom.
I'm so angry about being confused about life and all.
I'm so angry that when me and the hubs have an argument how it can be twisted in so many knots til the blame is put on me whether I had blame in it or not.
I'm so angry that I do so much and feel unappreciated or the work I do is overlooked. I'm not saying I should get a high-five always but once in a while is nice.
I'm so angry that I can't easily fall asleep at night. (I purposely stay up late, waiting for my hubs to get home so I can sleep next to him and still wake up for fajr and no sleep after fajr, so basically my bedtime is 2 am to 8 am, if I'm lucky maybe 9, never 10).
I'm so angry that my computer is acting up and going slow.
I'm so angry that I did not enjoy my single life more.
I'm so angry that I did not enjoy the hubs and mine alone time more before having kids.
I'm so angry that I have this hatred inside for a girl who could care less about me and my feelings.
This is feeling very cathartic and cleansing for me. Its like a heavy weight has been lifted off of my heart and shoulders. This is going to sound very contradictory but now I have thought of listing all the things that I am grateful for because who likes an ungrateful brat. Not me, that's for sure.
I am grateful that I have a wonderful, supporting husband. He is someone I've always wanted with all the characteristics. I even have proof of it on paper.
I am grateful that my kids are wonderful and sweet as ever. My son gives me kisses or anyone who looks down. He is a big hugger too. He kisses out of nowhere. My daughter is beyond intelligent when it comes to talking and observing. That girl is going to be a handful when she grows up if she is anything like her stubborn, opinionated mom.
I am grateful for my parents who are still alive, well and healthy. My dad has diabetes but controls it for the most part. My mom is getting old too and it shows. She is tired often and her patience is wearing very thin lately but she still puts up with all of us. One very brave woman. My dad, may Allah bless them both with long and happy lives, is a superhero who is taking care of 3 families all on his own, with very little complaining (I said little).
I am grateful that I can get pregnant so fast while I know people who need doctors to help them with conceiving. There is one couple I know who has been trying for 3 months and no luck. Another mom who wants to get pregnant but has no help with her 2 kids now, another one would be too much for her. Maybe when the little one goes to school, only Allah knows.
I am grateful for the crazy, yet dear friends and very dear sisters and one, lonely brother (jk, but he is an only son) that I can share anything with. They keep me sane and distracted when all I want to do is cry all day long.
I am grateful for my health, having two hands and feet that get me through my day. Also for my mental state that is in good working condition because there are some people out there who have no peace inside of them and seeing them makes you sad inside more.
So this is my post on "I'm so angry that....."
I'm so angry that my sisters are able to finish school while I am at home with the same routine day in and day out.
I'm so angry that I always have to ask for permission to do things from my hubby while other wives I know have cars and cell phones.
I'm so angry that I am dependent on my hubs to get stuff for me and take me places.
I'm so angry that my hubby and daddy work so hard for their money and it just goes with the wind or to greedy, ungrateful people.
I'm so angry that I see history repeating it self through my life all that I have witnessed in my dad's.
I'm so angry that I get angry at my kids easily, where patience was my virtue when my mil was here. She even bragged about it when she was here and when she went back home.
I'm so angry that my kids wake up crying and this was not always the case. Someone jinxed them.
I'm so angry that I have all this anger inside of me and I don't know how to direct it or make it go away.
I'm so angry sometimes that I just start crying for no reason at all (as my hubby says).
I'm so angry I'm pregnant again when I can't even handle the kids I have.
I'm so angry at all people who criticize me in a mean or negative way. There are nice ways to give constructive criticism and not be mean.
I'm so angry that I don't know what to do with my life. I have no idea what to do with myself and if I want to finish school or just be an at home mom.
I'm so angry about being confused about life and all.
I'm so angry that when me and the hubs have an argument how it can be twisted in so many knots til the blame is put on me whether I had blame in it or not.
I'm so angry that I do so much and feel unappreciated or the work I do is overlooked. I'm not saying I should get a high-five always but once in a while is nice.
I'm so angry that I can't easily fall asleep at night. (I purposely stay up late, waiting for my hubs to get home so I can sleep next to him and still wake up for fajr and no sleep after fajr, so basically my bedtime is 2 am to 8 am, if I'm lucky maybe 9, never 10).
I'm so angry that my computer is acting up and going slow.
I'm so angry that I did not enjoy my single life more.
I'm so angry that I did not enjoy the hubs and mine alone time more before having kids.
I'm so angry that I have this hatred inside for a girl who could care less about me and my feelings.
This is feeling very cathartic and cleansing for me. Its like a heavy weight has been lifted off of my heart and shoulders. This is going to sound very contradictory but now I have thought of listing all the things that I am grateful for because who likes an ungrateful brat. Not me, that's for sure.
I am grateful that I have a wonderful, supporting husband. He is someone I've always wanted with all the characteristics. I even have proof of it on paper.
I am grateful that my kids are wonderful and sweet as ever. My son gives me kisses or anyone who looks down. He is a big hugger too. He kisses out of nowhere. My daughter is beyond intelligent when it comes to talking and observing. That girl is going to be a handful when she grows up if she is anything like her stubborn, opinionated mom.
I am grateful for my parents who are still alive, well and healthy. My dad has diabetes but controls it for the most part. My mom is getting old too and it shows. She is tired often and her patience is wearing very thin lately but she still puts up with all of us. One very brave woman. My dad, may Allah bless them both with long and happy lives, is a superhero who is taking care of 3 families all on his own, with very little complaining (I said little).
I am grateful that I can get pregnant so fast while I know people who need doctors to help them with conceiving. There is one couple I know who has been trying for 3 months and no luck. Another mom who wants to get pregnant but has no help with her 2 kids now, another one would be too much for her. Maybe when the little one goes to school, only Allah knows.
I am grateful for the crazy, yet dear friends and very dear sisters and one, lonely brother (jk, but he is an only son) that I can share anything with. They keep me sane and distracted when all I want to do is cry all day long.
I am grateful for my health, having two hands and feet that get me through my day. Also for my mental state that is in good working condition because there are some people out there who have no peace inside of them and seeing them makes you sad inside more.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Secrets
So, as I've mentioned before, I love when me and my guy, S have pillow talk. Its like a time to reconnect with no one around and say everything that is going through our heads. To me its beyond refreshing and a great way to reconnect after so long. So last night we were talking up until maybe 2 in the morning. One thing that stuck out while we were talking was secrets.
Let me get back to the topic of secrets later. One thing I have to mention is that I once read in this book "A gift for the Muslim Bride" that you should not tell your husband/wife everything about your family members. One reason is that, say (Allah forbid), you guys get a divorce, he knows so much about you and your family that he can go and tell people. This scene of spreading rumors does not apply just to husbands and wives. If more than one person is living with you in the house and they do not like you, they will spread lies so fast it will take more than the LAFD (Los Angeles Fire Dept) will have a hard time putting it out.
So as we were talking he told me that he does not tell me everything. That he has some secrets and stuff he keeps from me. When he told me this my brain was working a million miles a minute. What can he be hiding from me? So I asked him to give me an example and he would not. Ok, now I'm freaking out. So we talk some more and he's like that he when he knows theres no benefit in me knowing he will not tell me. *sigh of relief* Becuase of course I trust him and his judgment.
Let me get back to the topic of secrets later. One thing I have to mention is that I once read in this book "A gift for the Muslim Bride" that you should not tell your husband/wife everything about your family members. One reason is that, say (Allah forbid), you guys get a divorce, he knows so much about you and your family that he can go and tell people. This scene of spreading rumors does not apply just to husbands and wives. If more than one person is living with you in the house and they do not like you, they will spread lies so fast it will take more than the LAFD (Los Angeles Fire Dept) will have a hard time putting it out.
So as we were talking he told me that he does not tell me everything. That he has some secrets and stuff he keeps from me. When he told me this my brain was working a million miles a minute. What can he be hiding from me? So I asked him to give me an example and he would not. Ok, now I'm freaking out. So we talk some more and he's like that he when he knows theres no benefit in me knowing he will not tell me. *sigh of relief* Becuase of course I trust him and his judgment.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Go With the Flow...
Like a river that goes with the flow, everyone should too. I especially mean when it comes to marriage. Lately, I have been talking to tons of people who say that can't find a spouse at all. Why is that? Are they picky? yes! Educated? yes! Don't know what they want? YES! YES! YES! I once read this great quote in an Islamic book (can't remember the title or author,so go with me here) that said when you try to rush or push things to happen, they end up in disaster. When Allah wants you to get married, you will. Allah knows best when, who, where. Sometimes some people are not even ready (but then again you're never ready to get married, have kids, or die and yet it still happens) but when the event happens you fall into place and go with the flow. Parents should let kids have the option of who and when they marry (and no they can't stay single forever because they want to work and save money for the PERFECT wedding). What I mean by this is the child's feelings and consideration should be taken into play because you do want the best for your child. That is the real goal in life, right?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Prince Charming
Why, oh, why did I believe the hype about Prince Charming? It seems the more you read and watch and listen to the romantic stories out there, the more you believe them. The happily ever after. But that is all lies and deception. One thing I have recently seen more and more of in our Muslim society is the girls and guys who seem to drool over each other publicly. Yes I'm young (only 26) but when I was a teen, it was such a shameful thing to talk to a guy in public for fear of people watching and blabbing to others. But it is so different these days with people openly saying they have bf's and gf's. Its like "what the hell!" and the kids seem not to care that their parents will find out. Most even tell their parents and end up getting engaged to thier "beloveds" with thier parents approval. Where is society going, the Muslim society?
What is more bizarre is the more a girl is educated in the secular west the more her mind is influenced by the western ideas of freedom, feminism and equal rights. Islam gave us equal rights, both men and women and it has laid down the foundation for society. If people were to follow the correct teachings of Islam, society would be way better.
Another thing that I find odd is when kids are crazy about wanting to know about the "birds and bees" and even explore as young as fifth grade, thier parents think its weird to marry them off at 13. Why is that odd to marry off right when you hit puberty? Yes mentally a girl is not ready for that but shouldn't the parents control their kids from puberty up to marriage and not let them run loose on society creating havoc and chaos?
I am speaking from the heart because all this is making my heart sick. and one of the main principles of Islam is to speak up when you see a wrong and what better way to do that then through my very own blog.
Jazakallah Khair
Monday, November 3, 2008
Monday mornings
Monday mornings are my favorite. He is home from the night before because there is no work. So while the kids are sleeping in I will sneak into the room and snuggle with him. We will talk about nothing but just easy conversation. Yesterday though it was our Sunday talk at around 12 am, I love that about us. The easy conversations and chatting even though we are both exhausted to our eyelids. We want to hear each other and fill each other in. When couples lose that they lose intimacy and a bond. That is why before kids, couples need to find each other, know each other, and understand where each one stands. If you do not then, you will have a hard time finding each other after kids and with kids it will be much more difficult.
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